Margin calls make me so saaad. Now I'll never be able to buy my mistress the Lexus for Christmas. What am I going to do with the big red bow? 
I thought I was a very smart man in July locking in front-month February light sweet crude barrels at $80. At $37, once dignified oil is now just giving it away, sadly like my middle daughter.
Oh dear. Looks like I just bought 100,000 shares of Ford instead of 10,000. Talk about bold moves. If this doesn't work out, my boss is going to drive one - up to my large intestine.
I may be surrounded by flat panel monitors and assorted other fancy office furniture and accessories, but my simple wooden pencil keeps me in touch with my roots - sharpening Miss Hendrick's pencils for her after school and then getting beat up for it. Just like I'm getting my ass kicked by the yen right now. 
I have assumed market efficiency in my Black-Scholes pricing model, but I see now a clear put-call parity violation. The presence of arbitrage in the options market makes me very stressed. I hope to meet a very nice girl who finds my bald head sexy and make her my wife. 
Naked short selling makes me feel so nervous! This is going to be the best movie ever thanks to my method acting and that nice trader letting me take over for him so he could go hit a couple buckets of balls at Chelsea Piers.
This rally makes no sense! Didn't anyone see how terrible the consumer confidence index is? Oh my, I guess I had too much fudge last night. My pants could use a bailout. Cleanup on trader 2605. Sigh. I am so stinky and so saaad.
Yen strength versus world currencies makes me proud and I think happy. Japanese economy highly dependent on exports makes me very concerned and I think sad. I shall ponder this situation while pressing my thumb into my cheek so that its outline sort of looks like a toothless gape.
Ever manage a hedge fund? Yeah, well have you ever managed a hedge fund on glue?
