Cheer Up, There's A New Deal A-Comin'!

I could sure use a drink of something illegal. Being so broke makes me so sad. No more flapper time, just my boring old wife. Stop looking down on me like that! Start flappin' or go do something and leave me alone to cry.

source: britannica
cartoon by Rollin Kirby; Granger Collection, New York

Goodbye Bombay Saphire, Hello McCormick's.

Yesterday I was thinking about retiring early. Today I am thinking about dying early. Who is the Indian Dr. Kevorkian? Dr. Sanjay Gupta? No, that's not it. Augh...sudden poverty and familial scorn make me sooo saaaad!

source: digerati life

Goodbye Playoffs. Hello Lucrative Calgon Endorsement Opportunity.

This football is very slippery. If my physical was hurt as bad as my emotional I'd be getting carted off the field right now giving a thumbs-down. I wish someone would bring me a body pillow and a box of Puffs Plus. I feel like I botched a triple axel and have no chance for gold but still have to finish my routine. Where's my kiss-and-cry room? I'm a saaaad Cowboy!

source: KSK
gif credit: Westbrook Is My Anti-Drug
Big thanks to Dolores for finding the best head-in-hands ever!

Early Gains, Ties Reversed As Stocks Track Lower

Margin calls make me so saaad. Now I'll never be able to buy my mistress the Lexus for Christmas. What am I going to do with the big red bow?

source: Cleveland Business News
photo credit: Mark Lennihan, Associated Press

I'd Like To Stuff A Short Ton In This Market's Stocking

I thought I was a very smart man in July locking in front-month February light sweet crude barrels at $80. At $37, once dignified oil is now just giving it away, sadly like my middle daughter.

source: daylife
photo credit: Getty Images

I Could Just Emote All Over Everyone

Oh dear. Looks like I just bought 100,000 shares of Ford instead of 10,000. Talk about bold moves. If this doesn't work out, my boss is going to drive one - up to my large intestine.

source: mlive
photo credit: Associated Press

Dollar Menu Starting to Piss Off Foreign McDonalds Operators

I may be surrounded by flat panel monitors and assorted other fancy office furniture and accessories, but my simple wooden pencil keeps me in touch with my roots - sharpening Miss Hendrick's pencils for her after school and then getting beat up for it. Just like I'm getting my ass kicked by the yen right now.

source: nydailynews

This "Womanizer" Song Will Not Vacate My Head

I have assumed market efficiency in my Black-Scholes pricing model, but I see now a clear put-call parity violation. The presence of arbitrage in the options market makes me very stressed. I hope to meet a very nice girl who finds my bald head sexy and make her my wife.

source: Associated Content

Abramoff. Madoff. Hasselhoff???

...and the best part is I'll never get caught!

source: Finding Dulcinea

"Crisis In Confidence" starring Philip Seymour Hoffman

Naked short selling makes me feel so nervous! This is going to be the best movie ever thanks to my method acting and that nice trader letting me take over for him so he could go hit a couple buckets of balls at Chelsea Piers.

source: Marketplace
photo credit: Getty Images

Does a bear shit in his pants?

This rally makes no sense! Didn't anyone see how terrible the consumer confidence index is? Oh my, I guess I had too much fudge last night. My pants could use a bailout. Cleanup on trader 2605. Sigh. I am so stinky and so saaad.

source: adsensetrick

My favorite CNBC female correspondent? The blond ones.

Yen strength versus world currencies makes me proud and I think happy. Japanese economy highly dependent on exports makes me very concerned and I think sad. I shall ponder this situation while pressing my thumb into my cheek so that its outline sort of looks like a toothless gape.

source: Wall Street Journal

Brahmin > Kshatria > ... > Untouchables > Financial Engineers

I was taught in Masters program in America that mortgage default was not possible because house prices always go up. Now I am very saaad. I wish I was never born again!

source: daylife
photo credit: Getty Images

Illegal hands to the face. 5 yard penalty and an automatic...First Down.

Ever manage a hedge fund? Yeah, well have you ever managed a hedge fund on glue?

source: Spiegel
photo credit: DDP

ETF = Easy To Fuck (yourself)

Just when I jump on the SKF bandwagon, the financials take off. Down 40% in one week while everyone's jumping for joy because the market's up. I'm going to have to give my hairspray budget a haircut. Maybe I'll switch to Consort. That's the stuff Ditka used to shill. Ditka would punch me in the face for being so stupid. I better make sure he doesn't recognize me.

source: CNBC
photo credit: Associated Press

Capitulating to Bottom-Copulation

I capitulate to you, power bottom.

source: Talking Proud
photo credit: Richard Drew, Associated Press

RUPEE? No, IMSHIT.

They should call this FOREX-husbands because my wife is going to divorce me for losing so many rupees. I am oh so very saaaad!

source: BBC
photo credit: Associated Press

Ice-Cold Corona > Iceland Krona

My Kroni are krumbling!

source: New York Times
photo credit: Bernd Kammerer, Associated Press

Fishnet Shirt Backing = Free Lats Show

What was I thinking shorting 10,000 shares of Citibank when it was at $5 and using the money to buy a stake in my local Arena Football League team? I am so saaaad!